Most men and a lot of woman these days masturbate for sexual pleasure. These days there is a lot less taboos against masturbation. However, how many books have you seen lately about sex compared to any books about masturbation? And how often have you talked to your friends about masturbation?
Most teens tend to masturbate every day. Generally, they take 5 minutes or so and use high friction strokes. Most teenagers have some embarrassment about masturbation. They do not want their parents to find out about his aspect of their sexuality.
So they make no sounds of pleasure and hide the activity away. Usually there is some fantasy involved and very little connection to their emotions and heart. Unfortunately, the teen gets in a habitual habit of having an orgasm quickly.
I personally know all of the above because it is my own experience too.
Now, when the teen makes love for the first time, he continues the habits he has taught his body over hundreds of masturbation sessions. He comes in a few minutes, he had closed eyes, he uses high friction porn style of lovemaking and he makes no sounds at all. Unfortunately these habits persist as he gets older.
Sex survey after Survey shows that the average time of intercourse for men is about 7 minutes. The funny thing is that this figure is pretty much the same in every country surveyed form the USA, India to France.
Unfortunately, most women hate this style of lovemaking. I attended a Tantra workshop the other day and 20 women were asked to describe what type of lovemaking they enjoyed the most and 18 out of 20 described a style of slow, connected and deep.
Compare that style of lovemaking to the usual porn. Clearly, if a man comes in 7 minutes, most women are gong to feel unsatisfied. A boring, short sex life is one of the main reasons women have affairs.
As a sexologist, I talk to men about their sex life. One thing I like to ask is do they like their lovers to make sounds of pleasure and express the orgasmic energy by their voice. Just about every one says they love their lovers to be vocal and hate silent women as lovers.
I then ask them if they make sounds. If they do not, I say, why the F not and why they want something from their lover that they do not do themselves.
Usually, this early masturbation practice taught them not to make sounds and they continued this practice to date. It can be a real challenge to break this pattern.
Another aspect that can be difficult for men to relearn is about emotional connection. Women love a man that connects with his eyes and they can feel his heart and love.
Now, most of us do not masturbate in front of a mirror with thoughts of self love. However, this practice could be of value. How about masturbating with an attitude of loving oneself instead of a porn type fantasy?
Another thing that women love is that a man is present. This means that the man is not in his head in a fantasy or being goal focused. Most women are very sensitive and can pick up on this straight away. So being present really just means being in your body, its pleasure and energy. When men do this, the women can feel the man more and this allows them to let go more.
Tantra looks at partner connection and being totally open. These skills can take time to learn as we are taught to be closed emotionally.
I hope you enjoyed these tips on how masturbation can transform your sex life.
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